


The Otherside of Fear

by snowzone5



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: AU, Angst, Doubt, F/M, Fear, Mileven, Soulmats
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-19 05:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29620998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowzone5/pseuds/snowzone5
Summary: First person account of Eleven's fears. Mostly S1 and S2.
Relationships: Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	The Otherside of Fear

**Author's Note:**

> “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”  
> ― Plato
> 
> This was purely inspirational and a lot of fun to write. I really like this one I hope you do do. :)

  
Let me tell you about fear.

Ok... I know what you are thinking. “Great, another nine year old girl worried she might never kiss a guy… or get tits.”

Yeah, yeah, mouthbreather. Done and done. First off I’m twenty six. All that shit is behind me.

Let me tell you about fear. Real fear. 

The fear that knowing the life you are living isn’t normal. Because everyone else around you is not living the same life. They all seem to have a purpose. They are bustling back and forth between offices, helping you to do the same, and you have no idea why.

You fear you may not get enough to eat that day. You fear you may not even get to sleep in a warm bed. Half the time you are right. Eventually you fear it will happen the other half of the time. 

All the time.

You fear you may not get to wear real clothes. Everyone else seems to be, but for as long as you can remember you’ve been wearing a hospital gown. You didn't even know what that piece of clothing was called until much later in your life.

You see women with long hair. Pretty hair. You fear you can’t even grow your hair that long, or that if it does, it will have to be buzzed short again. You know… for the best result in the experiments you undergo.

You fear that even though they ask you to do things you don’t know if you are doing them right. You assume you didn’t because there was no food and you had to sleep on a cold floor. You don’t even know how to do the right things they want. They don’t tell you. They just punish you when you don’t.

…and one day… one day you fear you will never get out of this nightmare. You don’t know how. You fear that you will go insane. That concept it foreign to you, but you feel it will happen if you can’t escape.

Another day… you fear that if you don’t do something, all our other fears will come true. You are truly terrified of that. You don’t know how to end it. You don’t know how to even end yourself so you won't be afraid anymore.

The last day, maybe the very last day of your sanity you escape. You have to hurt people. You don’t care. It’s the one thing you aren’t really afraid of… 

...because it’s worth it in the end.  


XXXXX

  
Now a new set of fears has entered your life. You fear you will never, ever be warm again. You no longer fear you will get enough to eat, now you fear you won’t get anything to eat at all.

And then, something completely different happens to you… after a little misunderstanding a kind man helps you. He feeds you. He wants to know why you are afraid, but for the very few answers you give him, he gives you some clothes that are a little bit warmer, and he gives you food. As much as you want. You gorge yourself. You fear you may never eat again after this night. So you eat everything he gives you. He gives you tasty food. Fun food. He makes you smile. You don’t find out till much later what a smile even is. When you do, you have fond memories of that person.

That night you didn’t fear the bad men. But you learned to.

You needed to escape once again.

  
XXXXX

  
A new set of fears invade your life. Not only do you fear you will never be warm. That fear is becoming to familiar,... butt now you fear you will never be dry. The rain is cold on your head. On your feet. You are so cold and afraid you are numb to what’s happening around you.

It’s so dark that when the new fear burst into your life in the form of a very bright light in your eyes. All you can do is… cry. 

Another new fear. That you may never stop crying. It’s one of the scariest fears. The fear that your life has been so miserable that if you start crying you may never stop. 

But…

Don’t be afraid of the light… because beyond that light, the reason that light is even in your eyes… is because… because a boy. Not just any boy, a kind one, one not even expecting you to be there, has found you. 

At his urging the light is gone. And then you are warm. He put on a covering that kept the rain away, he put his arms around you that made the covering seem even warmer. And then… then he took you to what seemed an impossibly warm place. There was a lot of talking that you didn’t understand.

He hands you some soft warm clothes. You can hardly believe it and put them to your cheek. They are so soft and warm you want to take off the wet clothes you are wearing right now and put them on.

There is a lot of commotion, you hear the word no. You fear you did something wrong. You didn’t, he tries to tell you about something called privacy. You don’t know what he means. It’s ok, because he doesn’t look while you change.

The clothes are dry, and so warm and soft you fear you will cry just at the sensation of wearing them. Later in the night you do, but you didn’t want the kind boy to know.

  
XXXXX

  
You sit cross legged from him. He has made you a warm place to sleep! He doesn’t know you, why would he do that?

You show him that your name is Eleven. He tells you his name is Mike. and he gives you a cute nickname. El. 

Short for Eleven.

You look at him for a second or so and nod your head. This cute boy is nothing but smiles. You have a small fear that you won’t be able to tell him about the bad men, but for tonight. You will sleep safe and warm. You fear storms, but in this same warm place, is not that bad.

You don’t know what you will do the next day. You are a little afraid of that, but for now you don’t care. If this boy has done this much for you, he is probably a… a… you don’t even know what the word is. He is someone who won’t harm you. Who won’t make you feel bad, or make you sleep in a cold place.

XXXXX

In the morning there is a brand new fear. You feel something for this boy. Once again you do not know what the word is... 

You are maybe more afraid of this than anything that came before it. 

You are afraid he may not feel the same way about you. You are very afraid he won’t feel the same about you. 

That brings on another fear. You don’t know how to tell him, or what to say about how you feel about him. And you don’t know why.

Sure he was kind. But would a kind person do all that for you? You don’t know.

Another fear. 

Fear of the unknown.

The fear that you will not know what happens to you when you wake up.

Will the kind boy still be there? Will he help you… again?

Being afraid of the dark is one thing.

Being afraid of the light… it’s one of the biggest fears of all.  



End file.
